Auntie Moon

Are you one of those folks who finds it hard to tolerate all this Cancerian symbolism of dear old mom because, frankly, your mom’s a toxic bitch? Does Mothers Day make you cringe? Rest assured, you are not alone.

I don’t want to offend anyone, but there are plenty of rotten moms out there. If you had a great mom, consider yourself very lucky.

My first encounter with a rotten mom was when I was about 13 years old. My best friend was three years older than me and lived across the street. Her mother was very lazy, making my friend do all the housework and cook for a family of six. She was also a drinker and a “child-beater.”  That’s what we called them then. The dad was extactly the same way. Life was horrible there.

There were lots of beatings at that house, but one is ingrained in my memory. It was the morning of the first day of my friend’s senior year of high school. She had survived the summer in the house with her mom and was looking with great anticipation at the freedom a day at school would bring her. It was the first day of her senior year and nothing was more important. She talked about it for weeks. She wanted to look her best, of course. She had her outfit picked out, knew how she would do her hair and had practiced her makeup. She’d secretly bought the makeup with the few pennies she tucked away through the summer months. Mascara wasn’t in a tube yet. It was a little cake-type thing you spit on and rubbed the brush in. Well, you weren’t supposed to spit on it, but everyone did.

When school was out, I rushed over to her house. I couldn’t wait to hear all about it. I imagined it would be exactly the kind of day I wanted to have when I was a senior.

Not exactly. When I got there, she was a mess — looked like she’d been dragged to hell and back. Seems her mom didn’t like the primping she was doing, so she threw a bottle of rubbing alcohol at her. If you’re old enough, you’ll remember those bottles were made out of glass then. The bottle burst when it hit her thigh, putting a six-inch gash in her leg. She spent the day at the emergency room getting her thigh sewn up. The bruise wrapped around her entire leg. So much for great memories, huh? Thanks, Mom.

There are plenty of other stories. Moms who beat their kids, moms who drank or had addictions of all kinds, moms who were absent, who gambled the money away, moms who ambushed dreams, who chose lovers over their kid, moms who — honestly — just didn’t love their children. Screamers, hitters, abusers. I don’t know if there’s anything worse. I guess there is, but good lord a’mighty, it doesn’t get much more rotten than that.

For both men and women, one of the developmental tasks of adulthood is to separate one’s self physically, emotionally and mentally from one’s parents. ~ Pottenger and Dobyns

It’s much easier to separate ourselves physically from our rotten moms than it is to leave them emotionally or mentally. That’s a long bridge to cross. I don’t know of a specific astrological signature that will tell you if you were “destined” to have a rotten mother. Every moon sign, every aspect, has its positives and negatives. The same symbolism can manifest as good or as bad nurturing. It’s not the chart, it’s the people.

If you would like to explore your relationship with your mom, I can recommend Healing Mother-Daughter Relationships with Astrology by Maritha Pottenger and Zipporah Pottenger-Dobyns. I think men can pick up a few pointers, too, even though it was written for women. It’s an astrological cookbook with some case studies and detailed info on many astrological factors exploring this type of relationship, including aspects to the asteroid Ceres, archetypal mother figure. Last I checked, there are some great prices on used copies of the book.

Celebrity Example ~ Sinead O’Connor

Sinead O’Connor had a very troubled relationship with her mother. From Astrotheme’s biography of the singer we learn:

Her parents were Jack O’Connor, a structural engineer later turned barrister, and Marie O’Connor. The couple married young and had a troubled relationship, splitting up when O’Connor was eight. The three eldest children went to live with their mother, where O’Connor claims they were subjected to frequent physical abuse. Her song “Fire on Babylon” is about the effects of her own child abuse, and Sinead has consistently advocated on behalf of abused children. Jack O’Connor’s efforts to secure custody of his children in a country which routinely gave custody to the mother and prohibited divorce caused him to become chairman of the Divorce Action Group and a prominent public spokesman. At one point, he even debated his own wife on the subject on a radio show.

Sinead wrote and recorded This is to Mother You, a haunting ode for the mothered-less child, whomever he or she may be. Here are her lyrics, followed by a video. Hate her or love her, Sinead seems to know intimately the lack of good mothering. She has four children by four different fathers.

This Is to Mother You

This is to mother you
To comfort you and get you through
Through when your nights are lonely
Through when your dreams are only blue
this is to mother you

This is to be with you
To hold you and to kiss you too
For when you need me I will do
What your own mother didn’t do
Which is to mother you

All the pain that you have known, ohh
All the violence in your soul, ohh
All the wrong things that you have done, ohh
I will take from you when I come

All mistakes made in distress
All your unhappiness
I will take away with my kiss yes
I will give you tenderness

For child I am so glad I found you
Although my arms have always been around you
Sweet bird although you did not see me
I saw you

I’m here to mother you
To comfort you and get you through
Through when your nights are lonely
Through when your dreams are only blue
this is to mother you